Issue #10 August 1999
		SMART PIGGY'S NEWSLETTER By Audrey Wood Compiled by Heath Uliasz August 1999 Issue #10 Dear Friends, Every morning I look forward to reading my e-mail. I never know what kind of interesting information I will receive from the readers of my books. For instance, on Monday, November 11, I learned, much to my surprise, that I had died in 1985 after suffering through four years of a stroke-induced coma. After a bit of on-line research I was relieved to find that the rumors of my death were greatly exaggerated. Evidently, someone at Barnes and Noble.com used the biography of the well-known literacy agent, Audrey Wood, who was born in 1905, in place of my biography, and attached it to all of my books. Several of my readers were concerned. Condolences were offered. This is not the first time in my career that our names have "crossed paths." In 1979, I was a fledgling writer desperately trying to attract the attention of publishers. Although I was a complete unknown, "Audrey Wood, the literary agent," was highly respected in New York. She represented many talented writers and playwrights, and is credited with bringing "Porgy and Bess," and "A Streetcar Named Desire," to the American stage. (You can read more of her bio following this editorial.) Back then it was confusing, and sometimes embarrassing, sharing my name with the esteemed "Audrey Wood." But I have to admit that on one occasion it did give me a slight advantage. This occasion was, in fact, the very first time I discovered there was another Audrey Wood running around in the publishing world. I had just finished a story and, like all writers, believed in the voodoo of submitting my manuscript to the publishing gods without any hitches. Even though the well known children’s book editor to whom I was submitting the book had a common name, I felt compelled to confirm it’s correct spelling. Perhaps a misspelling would land my manuscript in the "slush pile," a dusty corner where all unsolicited manuscripts sit for months. After making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I checked the book, Writer’s Market Place, then dialed the New York publishing house which would soon be, I hoped, my publisher. A friendly, efficient editorial assistant answered the phone and I told him my name. I tried to explain why I was calling, but he interrupted me… "Excuse me. Did you say that you are Audrey Wood?" I confirmed the fact and he replied in an extremely polite, nearly obsequious manner that he would need to put me put me on hold. This was one of my first experiences with the publishing world and I was frankly astounded with what I thought was a most polite and hospitable attitude. I had almost finished my sandwich before the courteous assistant finally returned. Again, I was amazed at the solicitous manner in which he continued to address me. "Gosh," I thought, "I’m just a would-be author. Imagine how I’ll be treated once I have a book published!" The poor man sounded almost as if he was on the verge of crying, apologizing profusely for the length of my wait. I was naturally embarrassed and tried my best to comfort him, assuring him that being on hold was really in no way an inconvienence. The young man suddenly brightened up. He then assured me that he was taking care of everything. He had checked with the president of the company and he was transferring me to the executive director of children’s books. (Let’s call her Jane Sands.) I was stunned - tongue-tied. I tried to tell him to stop, that he didn’t need to bother the Director. All I wanted was to confirm the spelling of her name. The line went dead. I was on hold again. My forehead and palms began to sweat, my mouth went dusty, I tried in vain to swallow the last traces of peanut butter and jelly caught in my throat. I was considering hanging up when Jane Sands answered the phone. "Hello!" I rasped in a peanut butter voice. Jane Sands also cleared her throat. To my surprise she seemed to be in no better shape than I was. Jane Sands, to put it mildly, was distressed. She was talking to me, (little-ole-me) and I could tell she was on the verge of hyper-ventilating. After several awkward moments it became obvious to both of us that something was amiss. I was not the prestigious agent Jane’s assistant had told her was waiting impatiently on hold. Once we discovered the mistake, I apologized, confessing that I had no idea who Audrey Wood, the agent, was before I called. Jane Sands, as it turned out, was so relieved that she didn’t have to talk to "The Audrey Wood" that she relaxed and began to confide in me like a neighbor chatting over a backyard fence. Jane explained that she had recently met "The Audrey Wood" at a publishing event and couldn’t help but be in awe of the grand lady. Jane let down her hair and revealed even more about herself and her hectic day. A whole series of problems had contributed to the anxiety she felt at the prospect of talking with "The Audrey Wood." She began her day by scorching the white blouse she needed to wear, missing a cab, breaking a heel on her high heel shoes, and being called in for review by the President of the Board. I, in turn, confessed to her that I never expected to talk to the Director of Children’s Books and had nearly choked on my sandwich when she answered the phone. I shared with her my new concern about having the same name as "The Audrey Wood." Should I choose another name if I was ever published? What if I turned up at a book event and young playwrights were there begging me to read their scripts? We both had a good laugh and Jane promised to take my manuscript out of her "slush pile" when it arrived and get back to me pronto. While sharing our concerns coast to coast, Jane Sands, executive editor of a prestigious publishing house, and struggling writer, Audrey Wood, met as one on the playing field of life. I permanently lost a good portion of my awe of people in positions of authority in the publishing world. I don’t know how long we both exchanged confidences, but I’d guess it was a good half-hour. Did Jane and I ever publish a book together? NO! But, I learned a valuable lesson. Children’s book publishing is full of wonderful people who care about their jobs 2nd love what they do. I decided to keep my name "Audrey" because I liked it, and my name "Wood" because that’s my partner and husband’s name. Now it’s rare for folks to get the two names mixed up. Barnes and Noble.Com was cooperative and apologetic. Within an hour they had deleted the incorrect bio. So, now that I’m alive again in cyber space (and reality) I’d like to end this editorial by saying, "God Bless You, Ms. Audrey Wood – wherever you are." -AW *********************************************************************** THIS IS NOT MY BIOGRAPHY! Audrey Wood (The Literary Agent) helped launch the careers of some of the most influential names in American theater. Wood is credited with bringing the works of William Inge and Tennessee Williams to the stage, and she spend many pages chronicling the tempestuous professional relationship she suffered at the hands of Williams, who eventually cast blame on her when his plays were unsuccessful. In 1954 Wood and Liebling sold their agency to entertainment conglomerate MCA, but continued in their roles handling literary and stage talent; Wood later headed the playwrights’ department at International Creative Management. Her book makes mention of the numerous luminaries she befriended, and includes accounts of Charles Laughton reciting Bertolt Brecht and Bette Davis during rehearsals. Though her partner and husband passed away in 1969, Wood continued working until her 1981 stroke. Richard Gosswiller, written in the Chicago Tribune Book World, faulted Represented by Audrey Wood for sections that "are little more than party reminiscences" and "an occasional banality," but assessed its content more favorably in light of Wood’s significant contributions to the American theater in bringing such works as Porgy and Bess and A Streetcar Named Desire to the stage. – Information provided under copyright by Gale Research. *********************************************************************** WHAT A ROLE-MODEL! Bruce Robert Wood had a very interesting childhood. Among other things, he modeled for several of Don and Audrey’s earlier books. To find out how many books he posed for and which ones they were: Enter The Clubhouse at www.audreywood.com and click on the "Secrets" link. Then click on the "More Secrets" link. Then click on the "Is he in their other books?" link. *********************************************************************** DECISIONS! DECISIONS! I am often asked which of my books are appropriate for a certain age group, a particular childhood problem, or gender. To see what I suggest: Enter The Clubhouse at www.audreywood.com and click on the "Parents and Teachers" link. Then click on the "The Author Suggests" link. *********************************************************************** ARTISTS ARE EVERYWHERE! Each of the illustrators that Audrey works with has his own art show in The Clubhouse, but did you know that you, the fans, have an art show, too? It's called the Fan Art Show. Every so often we receive some exceptional works of art from classrooms and individuals. We like to take some of our favorites and place them in the Fan Art Show for everyone to see. If you send us a drawing or painting, be sure to check from time-to-time to see if your drawing was chosen. To visit the Fan Art Show: Enter The Clubhouse at www.audreywood.com and click on the "Fan Bag" link. The click on the "Fan Art Show" link. *********************************************************************** AND THE WINNER IS... Congratulations to Maureen Jochetz of Austin, Texas! She won a free autographed copy of THE CHRISTMAS ADVENTURE OF SPACE ELF SAM from Audrey and Bruce Wood! NOVEMBER CONTEST QUESTION WAS: In the book THE CHRISTMAS ADVENTURE OF SPACE ELF SAM, what present did Space Elf Sam give the princess, that made her cry? ANSWER: A Teddy Bear! Thanks for all of your entries into the November contest. Due to the high amount of response we received for the November contest, we have decided to have another THE CHRISTMAS ADVENTURE OF SPACE ELF SAM question for our December contest. Which means we will be giving away another autographed copy of THE CHRISTMAS ADVENTURE OF SPACE ELF SAM. Be sure to enter! *********************************************************************** DECEMBER CONTEST!!!!!!!!! DON'T MISS OUT! This month one lucky person will win an autographed copy of THE CHRISTMAS ADVENTURE OF SPACE ELF SAM. To enter the contest go to the CLUBHOUSE at http://www.audreywood.com and click on the "Contest" banner. If you answer the question correctly you will be entered into a random drawing. The winner will be drawn at the end of the month. Good Luck! *********************************************************************** NEW SUBSCRIBERS! If you would like to check out past Smart Piggy's Newsletters, go to THE CLUBHOUSE at http://www.audreywood.com and click on the "Parents and Teachers" link or the "Fun Bag" link, then click on "Smart Piggy's Newsletter Past Issues" link. *********************************************************************** Keep your questions and suggestions coming! Warmest Regards, Audrey Wood Info@audreywood.com http://www.audreywood.com *********************************************************************** Second in the Series from THE HORRIBLE HOLIDAYS Copyright 1987 By Audrey Wood "THE CRUMMY CHRISTMAS" It was Christmas Eve. Cousin Mert, Aunt Ida, and Unlce Hube Were spending the night. Alf snuck down to the Christmas tree. He counted his presents. Just then Mert snuck in. "You’re peeking," she said. "I’m going to tell." "I don’t peak," said Alf. "I do," saud Mert. "And I know your presents." "Don’t tell," said Alf. "I don’t want to know." Mert picked up Alf’s biggest present. "Toot, toot! All aboard, dude!" she called. Now Alf knew. It was a train set. Mert pointed to an odd-shaped present. "What has four wheels and stripes?" she asked. Now Alf knew. It was a racing car. Mert picked up a long, thin present. Alf plugged his ears. Mert gave it a good swing. Now Alf knew. It was a baseball bat. Alf and Mert snuck back to their rooms. Mert has ruined everything, Alf thought. Now I know my presents. Then Alf remembered. He had asked for a Spacecraft Radio. Mert did not know about the radio. That will be a surprise, Alf thought. Soon he fell asleep. The next morning everyone gathered Around the tree. Alf’s father handed out presents. "What a surprise!" Mert shouted every time she opened one. Alf tried to act surprised too. But he wasn’t. Before long all the presents were opened. Alf did not get the Spacecraft Radio. "Everybody happy?" asked Uncle Hube. Alf was not happy, so he told on Mert. "Mert just acts surprised," he said. "She peeked at her presents." "I never peek at mine," Mert said. "I only peeked at yours." Alf’s father brought out two More presents. "Surprised!" he said. He handed one to Mert. The tag on the present read "To Mert from Cousin Alf." "I hope it’s the musical doll I asked for," Mert said. Alf’s father handed him The other present. It said "To Alf from Cousin Mert." They opened them together. "Yuck!" cried Mert. "What is this ugly thing?" Mert held up a Spacecraft Radio. "What’s this?" Alf said. He held up a Musical Doll. Alf looked inside the box. He found a gold key. Alf wound The Musical Doll with the gold key. It played a pretty song. "It’s mine! It’s mine!" Mert cried. "Oops," said Aunt Ida. "I think there’s been a mistake." Mert tried to grab the Musical Doll. "Why don’t you trade?" said Uncle Hube. Alf had to do it. "I like my Musical Doll," he said. "I think I will keep it. Thank you, Mert." "Give it to me!" Mert cried. "Give it to her!" Alf’s mother and father said. Alf would not give the Musical Doll to Mert. Alf spent Christmas morning alone In his room.